In a previous post I compared formal English to artificial speech generated by computers in the way it tends to remove personality from the text. But I’m sure you’ve noticed that nowadays many of the robots we talk to on the phone have acquired something like personality, in that they’re programmed to sound really concerned and interested. They respond with phrases like “Okay, great! Let me see if I can help,” or “Hmm. I’m sorry, but I’m not getting that.”
Although I’m happy enough to press 1 or 2 to get where I’m going on the phone, I have a perhaps unreasoned hatred of speaking to machines. I don’t know why, but I find it humiliating. Often I will hang up rather than speak to a computer pretending to be concerned about me. If I know how to reach a human representative, I take that shortcut. If not, I try pressing zero, usually only to hear the computer say (sounding extra-concerned about my stupidity), “I’m sorry, but that is not an option. To return to our main menu . . .”
When we speak with live customer reps, we’re always told that we’re being recorded for quality-control purposes (a euphemism for “in the hopes that you’ll swear less”), but when it’s a robot, I don’t feel the need to be polite. When it says “Sorry—I don’t understand,” I say, “That’s because you’re a computer, stupid.” (You don’t have to point out the intelligence level of someone trying to insult a computer. In my defense, I’ll add that saying something random and unintelligible often gets the robot to forward the call to a person. Becoming hysterical almost always does.)
Although I hate talking to computers, I love the GPS genies who live in my phone. I can choose between Michelle, David, Emily, Andrew, or Jennifer, but the only thing that varies is the actual voice; their “personalities” are weirdly identical and affectless. It might be fun to get driving directions from an app with more attitude. For instance, “The Mom”: “Aaaaaaaack! We’re too close! Slow down! Slow down!” Or maybe “The Therapist”: “Inhale . . . visualize the destination . . . exhale . . . prepare to merge . . . become one with the traffic.” I know a few drivers I’d love to give “The Play-by-Play”: “Aaaand-we-take-the-corner-on-two-wheels-and-we’re-on-the-straightaway! We tailgate! We swerve! The-destination’s-a-mile-back-but-do-we-slow-down? Not! On! Your! Life!”
Okay, I know it’s time for me to make a point. And it’s this: Language—even language manipulated by computers—is written by people, and when we write, we have the option of expressing or suppressing attitude, tone, and personality. So far, it’s not that difficult to tell whether we’re listening to a person or a computer, but the gap is closing.
Should we worry?
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Image: Alien Robot Call, courtesy of OpenClipart-Vectors (pixabay.com).
The other side of the proverbial coin is the English language seems to be changing in a direction that resembles computer generated speech. It seems to be more formulaic and to eschew verbs in a weird sort of e-prime to the 3 power. I am encouraged that recently, I saw the trend reversing in my youngest daughter. She has discovered online sites where she can indulge in creative writing. Suddenly the child whose communication often consisted of "U there"?, is concerned with structure, the impact of works, and yes, even grammar.
Posted by: Allen Hartman | 08/19/2010 at 09:09 AM
Hm-m. What kind of therapist was that?
Posted by: George Ernsberger | 08/19/2010 at 10:55 AM
Love this site!!
Posted by: Helen Newman | 08/19/2010 at 11:01 AM
Oh, how I hate robot operators that try to sound warm and friendly. They're not fooling anyone at all, and I just find myself irritated at the effort. I think they fall into the uncanny valley of synthesized speech.
Posted by: Jonathon | 08/23/2010 at 12:38 PM
Contrary to popular belief, those calls truly are recorded for quality control purposes! I worked at a call centre and they eavesdropped on a significant proportion of our calls and fired people who didn't follow the scripts closely enough. Terrifying.
I just stumbled across this blog and I'm really enjoying it :)
Posted by: Caitlyn | 10/02/2010 at 12:09 AM