Getting Along with Colleagues Tip #2: Think Before You Send

Last week I handled something badly at work, and I’m still beating myself up about it. Since I don’t think that posting the details on the internet would help (see tip #142), I’ll just say that it amounted to embarrassing a colleague by copying others in on an e-mail that implied criticism.

Yes, I know I say in my book not to do this! Sometimes I don’t know what gets into me. But in penance, I’ll give you the benefit of my experience: I've learned, and continue to learn, that when you have a problem with a colleague, it’s best to address the issue directly with that person and only that person. Until you’ve tried that without results, don’t go elsewhere (especially not higher) with your complaint.

This isn’t merely kindness; it’s also a better way to resolve an issue. The private communication allows your colleague to focus on the problem rather than on saving face. It helps forestall that escalation of blaming we so often see in public figures who are publically accused of some misstep.

My own misstep ended well because of the grace and good nature of the person I embarrassed, so it’s time for me to let go of it. But I’ll keep it in mind; next time I might not be so lucky.

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Photo: Dejected White Figure Contemplating God Knows What, by Mike Steele, courtesy of Flickr

Comments

[Erin]

Ugh. I have done this a few times and it still gnaws at my gut, even though I have patched things up. I just can't let go of it. It was very stupid of me.

[Carol Saller]

Erin, you're obviously not alone. If you patched it up, just resolve to do better and move on.

All the best---
Carol

[Maggie Newman]

So publically is acceptable now? I still prefer publicly.

[Michael Koplow]

Another thing to be careful about (this should be obvious, but if you, like me, are a complete doofus, it may not be) is sending stuff to the right person. For example, you don't do what I did when I wrote to a freelancer that the author of a book was easily confused. I started typing in the freelancer's e-address, and when a name appeared there after I'd typed in a few letters, I sent it. Misfortunately, the freelancer and the easily confused author have handles that begin with the same few letters. So I sent it to the easily confused author (and so now we wonder whether the easily confused shoe fits yours truly's misshapen foot). Fortunately, he was so easily confused that he didn't seem to notice.